Homesick!!

How can I be sitting in my own living room where I have lived for nearly 20 years and feel this longing for...what??!&^$. Maybe its because my children are becoming scattered and living their own good lives and I am still in my...home... I have memories (good and not so very good) lots of pictures and children who still need me to be happy. But I need this day to long for how it was; like when I was a child in Boulder, when I was a young adult searching for love, when I was a young mom with piles of laundry, and dishes and now as an established mom watching my children do what I have taught them to do and be.

Another milestone today: Brigham left for Sao Paulo, Brazil to be trained in the Portuguese language so he can serve in Ribieroa Preto as a missionary for the church. Just yesterday he sat and ate his M & M's one at a time, he finished his dad's sentence--Brigham Brett, my _____ pet!! he planned campouts with all of his buddies, he snag all of the words to EVERY ong on the radio. All of my children have outstanding qualities but today is Brigham's day. Everyone who knows him, likes him. He has a knack for jumping into your heart and staying there so when I feel an emptiness because he has gone, he CAUSED it. But...

I am so glad I am a Mom-- homesickness and all. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad. Brigham would say "It's all part of the plan", Mom. I guess I'll be content with the "plan" -- tomorrow. Today I'll shed a few tears at the edge of the whole he left in my living room. A similar hole that Krista, Joseph, Spencer, Emily, Sarah, and Gea left...